Today I want to talk about a major mistake I recently made in a therapy session. I do not usually love sharing tales of failure, however, I think there is a very important lesson we can learn from it. I had just started a speech session with an adorable elementary schooler on my caseload. I particularly look forward to our time together because she is a minimally verbal child with autism, but she is also a proficient AAC user. She always surprises me with the intent she can communicate on her device. She has a strong attention to detail and a preference for structure and consistency, which is relevant to the story, but often not an issue in our sessions.
Since she can navigate her device so well, I love to present her with new activities to give her opportunities to say other things. So today, I decided we would play Jenga. We had played other turn-taking games before and I did not perceive this to be a challenge for her. We began by carefully stacking the blocks, a task she seemed to enjoy. Then, I spoke to her using her device and told her that I would start by getting a block out and placing it at the top. I then pulled my block and placed it in its new position. To my surprise, she looked absolutely horrified. She even used her device to say “all done.” I explained to her that my turn was over and now she had to go and I prompted her to do so. After she placed her block at the top, she looked even more horrified. She again said “all done” and I started to take my turn.
At this point, she absolutely lost it, and knocked over the entire tower in an aggressive manner, an action very out of character for her. Afterward, she looked even more upset that she had lost control like that. At that moment, it occurred to me that this “game” was not very enjoyable for her at all. Stacking the blocks perfectly may have been very exciting, but dismantling her perfectly prepared pattern was not a game to her. It was a nightmare. But I think it is important to push kiddos out of their comfort zone, so I wanted to continue. However, I put on my therapist’s thinking cap and realized that perhaps all that was needed was more preparation. So first I helped her use some coping techniques to calm down and express her feelings on her device.
Next, we worked to pick up the blocks together, before carefully restacking the tower. This time before we began, I again described the steps of the game on her device, but I added another step. I pulled up a YouTube video of people playing Jenga. I sped it up so as not to waste session time and lowered the volume so I could explain that we would repeatedly pull the blocks out until the tower fell. Then I explained the game would be over.
We played again, and this time, everything went smoothly without any moments of distress. Why? Because she was better prepared for the purpose of the game and the events that would occur. I realized that this was entirely on me. I had wrongfully assumed that because we played other turn-taking games together, this required less preparation and information. I also didn’t take her need for structure and consistency into consideration beforehand, to recognize that this would feel different for her.
This makes me reflect on another case I have been working on recently. He is a very talented preschool AAC user with autism. How does he like to play? Well, he likes to pick up toys and drop them, repeatedly, over and over again. He also happens to love farm animals. So when we started working on more functional play, I spent six sessions modeling pretend play with the animals while pairing it with utterances on his AAC device. In the earlier sessions, he began using two-word utterances to request all the animals he wanted. But I didn’t want him to stay there. I wanted more functional pretend play. So I kept going and continued modeling different scenarios. He is now telling me when the animals are tired or thirsty. He will even pretend to make them take naps or drink from cups.
So what are the takeaways here? How are these two cases related? Parents looking to advance their kiddos’ play skills can learn quite a bit from these stories. Let me break it down further:
- Kids with autism absolutely can play. We just have to teach them how and it takes time!
Every child is different. Some might take a single play session to pick up new skills, while others might take several before they begin imitating these actions. But if we keep modeling play and language, the repeated lessons will pay off!
- Engagement is key.
Try choosing toys or games they show interest in already. It will take some of the work out of the task if they are already motivated to hold or look at these toys. We have to meet them where they are if we want to have meaningful interactions with our kiddos.
- Preparation matters if it is a rule-based game.
Pretend play has a little more flexibility, but games can be challenging when rules are involved. In the case of the first story I told, a little more explanation might have gone a long way and prevented a meltdown. Research tells us that video modeling helps children, especially those with autism, in learning valuable skills. If you can find a video of others playing, this may increase their understanding of the rules and procedures.
- Positivity goes a long way.
Whether you are using figures to pretend, or playing a board game, find any and every opportunity to use positive reinforcement to build their confidence. You can compliment their use of figures or their moves on the board, or anything at all. It will help them enjoy the process more and want to return for future play sessions.
- Be prepared to teach every single step.
I have had to teach kiddos how to properly roll a dice, spin a spinner, or select a card for gameplay. These are often small steps that are crucial to executing a turn in a game. If you go into the play session without assuming some skills will come naturally, it will all go smoother.
- Teach how to be a good loser.
Kids who are just starting to play board games often have a hard time losing. Teaching skills beforehand and preparing them with the knowledge that some games will be won and some games will be lost is necessary. You can teach phrases like “Congratulations” or “Good game!” to help them know what to say when they lose. Then provide lots of praise and tell them how proud you are of them being a “good loser.”
- Play skills help kiddos learn to manage feelings.
When using pretend play, you can model different characters feeling a variety of emotions to help kids understand what those feelings might look like or how they can better manage them. For example, when using farm animals with the preschooler I mentioned, I labeled the thirsty animals and then had them use his device to ask for a drink. When the animals were tired, I had them take a nap. If they were sad, I had them cry or ask for a hug. If you play your cards right, (pun intended) these skills can help kiddos manage real-life situations too!
I don’t want to take up any more of your valuable playtime. So if you take away anything from this article, let it be this: Kids with autism absolutely can play, even if you haven’t observed them doing so. They just have to be taught! With time and patience, you can do it! If you need more help, your friendly SLPs at Project Speech are always willing to lend a hand! Happy playing!